Friday, January 27, 2012

Reflections +1

As I would believe most of you know and remember, tomorrow (Jan. 28) is the one year anniversary of Cash's passing.  I think back to my Zion days and we would not use the word 'funeral' to describe the event...instead we used 'homegoing'.  So let me rephrase...tomorrow (Jan. 28) is the one year anniversary of Cash's homegoing.  He's been with Jesus for a whole year and there are moments when we desperately wish he was still with us and others in which we're incredible thankful (and dare I say jealous) that Cash is in Heaven.  He doesn't have to deal with the trials and tribulations we face and as a family, we're that much more excited to join him when the day comes.

Jack Jr. told me tonight, "Dad, I believe in Jesus and tell him over and over I can't wait to get to heaven but I don't think he's listening because I'm not there (with Cash)..."  I reminded him that it's amazing that he believes in Jesus and when it's his time, God will call him and then he'll be able to hang out with Cash.  I thought it was very sweet and even to this day, if you ask Jack what Cash is doing in heaven, he'll give you a response.  Cash has done quite a bit, according to Jack, and we love hearing his stories...:-)

It will be two years ago on February 8 that Cash was diagnosed.  Some days that feels like it was forever ago and others it feels like it was yesterday.  That is also how the day he went home feels...at times we're able to compartmentalize the day so-to-speak and quickly move on when a wave of grief comes...other times we can see, hear, and feel that day like it was yesterday and it's not as easy to move on.  Wendi and I have dealt with the grief much differently this past year - I cannot look at pictures and videos of Cash while Wendi uses those as reminders of his sweet little face and laugh.

With all of the emotions and coping mechanisms that we put in place, life continues to move forward.  This past year Kingston turned 1, Jack is 5, we moved into a different home, and were pleasantly surprised to discover that Wendi is pregnant and due with our fourth child on July 1.  I know I've blogged this in the past, but the phrase God works in mysterious ways is abundantly clear to us...over a decade without being able to have kids, then God blesses us with Jack, Cash, King, and baby #4.  He takes Cash to be with Him but the blessings do not cease.

I was reminded today of the continued fragility of life when I found out someone else we knew passed away.  My old boss at Zion (Bro. Doug) and I spoke today and he told me something that really struck a chord in my heart, he told me that he's been focused on the 'moments' that occur throughout the day, recognizing that we have many many opportunities each day to stop and recognize the moment and give thanks and be joyful for that moment.  I immediately went home to my family and started to recognize these moments and find joy in them (even in the not-so-great moments).

We are thankful for God's grace this past year and He continues to give us the strength to move ahead, racing towards the prize, which doesn't exist here but is in Heaven.  Wendi and I look forward to that day and in the meantime, we continue to remember and celebrate Cash's life, love our children and family, and walk in the path that God is leading us on with the goal to be together as a family once again in heaven.

Thank you for supporting us this past year with hugs, emails, texts, and words...

2 comments:

  1. Jackie, I know you've heard it a thousand times, but you continue to amaze me and I'm sure, so many others. Its been a year.....hard to believe. Lots of love to you all, Auntie Ine

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  2. Wow! You must be overjoyed! We rejoice with you and continue to pray for each of you.

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